Self Love Rituals
If I asked you to visualize what the word love meant, what would come to mind? For most of us, we would likely envision our children, our spouses, our family members, or even our pets and our friends. Very few of us - if any - envisioned ourselves.
In our modern society, many see loving ourselves as a selfish act, and feel that love of others should always be put ahead of self. How often have you put the desires and interests of others before your own? I believe most of us can say that we have done this many, many times, and despite sacrificing our own desires, we likely felt that this was the correct and noblest decision we could make at that time. In the off chance we do put ourselves first, we are left feeling guilty, ashamed, and selfish. While I will admit that, in some cases, putting the needs of others before our own is entirely appropriate, it should not be the default, as doing so can disguise the bitter sweet truth of love; that loving yourself is just as important as loving others.
Relationships may fail, but this is not always due to one partner not loving the other sufficiently. Many relationships crumble because one of the partners does not love himself or herself enough, for if one does not love themselves, they are incapable of loving others as deeply and truly as is needed for a relationship to flourish. I can personally attest to several relationships of my past which failed because I had not learned to love myself or respect myself enough, and I was unable to love or respect my partner - despite having deep emotional feelings for them and thinking I was loving them - because I did not love myself. I have also been on the other end of a relationship where my partner was incapable of self love, and thus ushered in the collapse of our relationship.
Why is self love so important in healthy relationships? Well, here are a few reasons:
Lack of self love can lead to seeking validation from others when relationships get rocky, rather than healthy conversation with a partner, which can often lead to infidelity.
People who do not have love of self can end up staying in emotionally or physically abusive relationships because they don't think they are worthy or good enough for anyone else.
Jealousy, envy, and gaslighting are common when one does not love themself, as they cannot accept fault and want to shift blame to someone else rather than taking responsibility or ownership, which can lead to toxic fights and atmospheres that will poison even the deepest wells of emotion connecting two people.
People who do not love themselves tend to not push themselves ahead in aspects of their life such as work, which can lead to the other partner feeling as though the relationship is one sided, or that they are the only one putting effort into the success and advancement of their lives, which can lead to resentment and anger.
Trusting a partner is extremely challenging when one does not love themselves, as they don’t see themselves as worthy and assume their partner sees them in the same light.
Alternatively, one without self love can easily overlook red flags in relationships, because they are too afraid of being alone, and become overly co-dependent on their partner, leading to a partner feeling smothered or more like a caretaker or parent than a lover.
It is only when we learn to love ourselves that we can understand we do not need others to fill the voids within us, and can feel complete whether we are single, dating or in a serious relationship. The best way to attain self love is to perform rituals or spells dedicated to seeking, establishing and nurturing love and respect of self. Many think rituals and spells have to be complicated and complex, and this deters many away from practicing magic, but this is not the case. Spells can be as simple as a little change in routine, that can help you listen to yourself in a brand new way. Below I will outline several rituals you can incorporate into your everyday life to make self love a daily practice, as well as some with a bit more complexity.
Supplies and Timing:
The best moment to perform these rituals and spells is in Waxing Moon, however, you can decide to practice any spell or ritual whenever it feels right to you! As with all practices and sacred workings, go with what resonate with you. This is your ritual, and there is more power in using timing, crystals, colors and associations that you are guided to if the ones provided here don’t vibe with you. Be open and receptive, and remember that self love is to honor the intuition and desires that are rising within you.
Herbs for self-love magick:
Lavender
Rose petals
Mint
Basil
Lemon
Sandalwood
Candle Colors for self-love magick:
Red
Orange
White
Pink
Using the right color will help you to attract the proper energy to create some effective, powerful magic with amazing results! Burn a white candle to connect with the lunar and Goddess energies, for protection, new beginnings, purity, healing, truth, meditation, peace, gratitude, harmony, to call on spirit guides, or to help calm the mind. Burn a red candle to help increase passion, potency, stamina, or attract a sex partner. They can also be used for fresh starts and to attract good luck, improve confidence, willpower, physical strength, courage, and determination. Pink candles can be burned for spells for unconditional love, romance, affection, warmth, joy, friendship and self-love. You can also use pink colored candles to enhance overall happiness, harmony, empathy, connection, intimacy, to strengthen new relationships, and to facilitate relationship healing, reconciliation, forgiveness, and emotional healing. Light an orange candle if you need help with things that involve both quick action and the mindor to invite more joy and play and stimulating energy into your life. Check out some of our amazing candle options here!
Stones for self-love magick:
-Rose quartz
-Rhodochrosite
Rhodonite
pink Calcite
Stones for self-esteem and self worth:
-Citrine
-larimar
-carnelian
Self Love Affirmations:
You can continue to tap into your self love on a daily basis with affirmations.
- I love and accept myself unconditionally
- I radiate self love
- I fully respect myself
- I am worthy of unconditional love from myself
- I love myself a little bit more every day
- I acknowledge my gifts and the medicine that I bring into this world
- I am worthy of my needs, desires, and goals
-Adapt and add some affirmations that you create that resonate with you.
Self Love Ritual #1
What you need:
- Stones that resonate with you
- Candle (in a color resonates with you)
- Flowers (to adorn your altar and/or yourself)
- Statues, nature items to decorate altar space
- Incense or oils that resonate with you
- Words of self love dedication, such as a love letter or wedding vows to yourself.
- Small bowl or glass of water
- Bowl with small amount of dirt
- Bell, feather or representation of flight/Air
- Token, a ring or a talisman
Set up:
Arrange your sacred space in a way that you feel comfortable. Place the candle in the center of your chosen crystals or items, or further enhance the energy of the crystals by making a grid pattern.
Take a ritual bath with herbs, oils or salts to cleanse and clear any unwanted energy and to calm you.
Cleanse the space you are going to do the ritual with sacred smoke or sprays to rid of unwanted energy.
Ground, center and bring presence back to your body. Take some calming breaths while sitting outside in nature or holding a grounding crystal. Visualize yourself being rooted strongly to the Earth in a meditation.
Take a few moments to release anything that you feel is sort of stuck in your energy right now. You can symbolically do this by writing down what you want to be released from and placing it in the flames of a sacred fire if you are having one or by mentally cutting the ties to what is weighing you down.
Set intentions, such as abundance, happiness, joy or deeper intuition.
When you are finished your ritual, celebrate! Dance, sing, drum, do divination, have a sacred fire or continue to do workings at your altar sacred space. You can celebrate alone or you can invite friends to join you. There is no one way to celebrate so go with what you feel called to.
Ritual:
Light the candle or candles on the altar: “As I ignite this fire, I ignite within me the spark of love for myself and for my whole being. May the flames of self love burn ever brighter with each passing day keeping me warm, setting fire to my creative flame and fueling my desires.”
Place a hand on the dirt: “Gaia, as I connect to your soil, I connect to my own roots digging them deep in my truth and into self love. As I walk upon your Earth, may I be grounded in a place of knowing my worthiness, my dreams, my desires and the depths of my own body.”
Take a sip of the water: “As I drink deep the waters of the world, I drink deep of my own wisdom, intuition and guidance. May I trust the whispers of my inner knowing and read carefully all that is written on the walls of my heart.”
Pick up the feather or ring the bell (or your representation of Air): “May the love I hold for myself take flight, soaring ever higher in the skies. May I be open to my dreams, my goals and the gifts that I bring into this world. As I will it, so it is.”
Self Marriage or Dedication: Read aloud to yourself the words of dedication and love that you have written for yourself. Feel free to add anything additional to your vows. Here is an example: “I (name) promise to love myself with every fiber of my being. To listen with an open ear when my intuition has words of wisdom for me, to honor and care for the temple of my body and to walk the path of my deepest truth. I pledge to be the heroine/hero of my life's journey, to follow the call of my desires, ask myself for what I need, and honor those needs and desires. I pledge to embody this Earthly form and to never fear taking up space, to always speak my truth and never put myself on the back-burner again. I, (name) dedicate myself to me from this day until the end of my days. In deepest dedication to myself and my heart, as I will it, so it is, blessed be.”
Give yourself a token, a ring or talisman to seal your pledge to yourself.
Feast and celebrate! Celebrate with sacred fire, friends, or continuing in solitary practice.
Offer the dirt, water and any flower petals you wish to release back to the Earth.
Self Love Ritual #2
You will need:
- a large candle in a color that resonates with you (red or orange, ideally)
- an oil for consecration (basil, lemon or sandalwood essential oils will do in a pinch)
- A needle or sharp object to carve on the candle
- paper and a pen
- a fireproof plate or dish
- sea salt
- lighter or matches
If you don’t have a premade consecration oil or essential oils, that is ok. Plain olive oil is fine, or if you want, you can heat a pinch of vegetable oil with the zest of lemon peel, strain it, and allow to cool.
Ritual:
As this is an attraction ritual, I recommend that you perform this on a Full Moon or Waxing Phase day, either at night or at sunset, but it will work on any day.
Thank the Universe for the results that this powerful ritual will give you.
Make a circle with salt on the plate.
Engrave a sigil, rune, a self love motto, or your own name on your candle.
Anoint the candle with Consecration Oil from top to bottom, pulling towards you.
Place the candle in the middle of the plate and light it with a match.
While the candle burns, recite the following phrase or sentence:
Through candle flames burning bright,
And with these words that I recite,
I fill my soul with Love and Light,
And thank the universe on this night.
So mote it be!
Write a few promises to yourself on the paper and or a few affirmations.
Carefully burn the paper with the flame of the burning candle, envisioning yourself as a strong and confident person with a deep love towards yourself.
Extinguish the candle with wet fingers or a snuffer.
Once cooled, wrap the candle in a cloth, if you wish and store it in a safe place.
Repeat the above process nightly or whenever you need a boost of confidence.
Mirror Self Love and Self Respect Spell
You will need:
-A mirror
-Three blue candles
-Three red or pink candles
-One or more of these herbs: Lavender, rose petals, chamomile and/or mint
-Altar or sacred space
Ritual:
Place the mirror on a table, on your altar, or within a sacred space
Place the candles in a circle around the mirror.
Take the herbs in your hands and rub them between your fingers, absorbing their energy.
Close your eyes and visualize a green ball of energy radiating on your chest. Envision it becoming more and more bright as it blends with the light of the candles that are reflected in the mirror and on you.
Take a deep breath, exhale slowly, then sprinkle the herbs on the mirror and repeat the following, or any personal mantra of your choice:
“Love within and love without,
Erase all pain and all self-doubt,
I see beauty in my deepest scars
And know my place among the stars. “
Goddess Self Love and Respect Spell
You will need:
-Two white candles: one representing the Goddess and one representing you
-2 Candle holders
-Sharp object or pen
-Parchment paper in which to roll the candle
-Gold and silver bio-glitter
-Anointing Oil or Olive oil
-Loose herbs of verbena, lavender, bay leaf, cinnamon and rose petals
-Mortar & pestle
-Bergamot essential oil (to bind the incense)
-Heat-resistant dish
-Charcoal discs
-Offerings such as fruit, libations, flowers, etc.
Ritual:
Purify everything you will use for the rite, with Moon water, salt, smoke or Consecration Oil.
Cast a circle, call the directions, invoke the Great Mother, and ignite her candle.
State your intention.
Inscribe your name on the other candle.
Anoint it with Moon oil or other blessed oil.
Place it on the parchment paper, and sprinkle the gold and silver glitter on it until it is completely covered.
Light the candle.
Blend your incense. Put equal quantities of each of the herbs in the mortar one at a time, focusing on the magic each one adds.
With the pestle, grind the herbs to dust,meditating on your situation and your intention. Replace any bitterness you feel with serenity, joy, and peace. Congratulate yourself for your successes, your ideas, and your accomplishments.
Add several drops of Bergamot oil to your herbs and mix well.
Place the charcoal disk on the plate and light it.
Add a pinch of your newly blended incense to the burning charcoal, and let the smoke envelop you, while you visualize yourself charged with energy, of love and of pure white light.
Continue burning pinches of the incense until you feel the energy of your intention within you.
Thank and dismiss the Goddess and the Elements, and close the circle.
Snuff the candle that represents you, and save it to reuse whenever you want to repeat the ritual. The Goddess candle should be allowed to burn out on its own.
Once the goddess candle has burned down, bury in healthy soil along with the other offerings.
Repeat this ritual as often as needed.
Self Love Morning Rituals
Your mornings set the tone for your entire day, so it is helpful to be extra intentional about how you move through them. Incorporating some small self love rituals will truly shift the tone of your entire day. You don’t need to incorporate all of these every single morning, but it is great to incorporate as many as possible.
-NO PHONE- Do not look at touch or mindlessly scroll on your phone for the first hour of waking up (with the exception of content that will inspire you like music). If possible, try not to sleep next to your phone so you’re not tempted to reach for it first thing.
-HYDRATE- You probably already know that staying hydrated will give you an energy boost, make your skin glow & make you feel your absolute best… it’s time to COMMIT to it! Hot tips to stay hydrated: Prep some infused spa water the night before! Slice some fruit & herbs that you want to sip on! You can use lemon, ginger, mint, strawberries- anything!
-PAMPER YOUR SKIN- find some products that work for your skin & curate a routine that you can stick to! The key here is consistency so be sure to not skip on this every morning. We love starting our days off with a gentle cleanser, a brightening serum or facial oil, & a quick facial massage with our Rose Quartz Roller & Gua Sha Set. We love this because it allows you to customize the facial massage experience that you need based on how your skin feels! PLUS- rose quartz stone promotes self LOVE & confidence so this is the perfect beauty tool to incorporate into your morning self love ritual!
-MEDITATE- if you’ve never meditated before, start small! Simply close your eyes and focus on your breathing for a few minutes.
-POTION OR ELIXER- Treat yourself to something special to fuel you in the morning, that will help you slow down for a few moments. Your morning potion could be tea, coffee, matcha, or even a big glass of lemon water to hydrate.
-MOVE- Try a morning yoga flow or a morning walk around the neighborhood. Getting active first thing in the morning will allow you to start your day feeling proud of yourself and energized.
-GO OUTSIDE- Fresh air & sunshine are so important for your physical and mental health, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Open your blinds and windows first thing to get some light & fresh air if you can’t go outside.
-RISE EARLY- Ever feel like you just don’t have time for self-care? Prioritize self love & make it a point to wake up a bit earlier to give yourself some “you” time. Ensure you are getting enough sleep by going to bed an hour earlier.
Self Love Evening Rituals
How do you currently spend your time in the evenings? For those of us who just aren’t morning people, evenings are a great time to bring some more self care + self love rituals in. The biggest thing here is finding out what we could remove from our evenings to create space for new routines & rituals.
-DISCONNECT- Leave the energy of the day behind & shift into getting ready for an amazing night of rest. Turn your phone notifications off, flick off the tv, and just BE with yourself.
-SET THE MOOD- Light candles, burn incense or palo santo to cleanse any residual energies you picked up during the day, turn on the Himalayan Salt Lamp to fill the room with a warm glow.
-LISTEN- Our intuition is constantly speaking truths of what we need, but we often ignore it unknowingly. Relax and try to listen to what your intuition is telling you. Feeling exhausted? Allow yourself to relax completely or go to bed early. Feeling creative? Honor that desire to create. Truly listening to your intuition will allow you to take control of your time & do more things that make you feel your best.
-PAMPER- Take a hot bath or shower with an aromatic soap. Slather on a face mask or some Kaolin Clay. Warm some rose quartz in your hands and massage your face with the warm stone and some coconut oil. Anything that reminds you that you are worthy of self care and love.
-POTION OR ELIXER- Brew some organic herbal tea and stir in some local honey, make yourself a fancy cocktail, or pour yourself a glass of wine. I like to mix mint tea with a magnesium supplement to promote relaxation and keep my body “regular”.
-UNWIND- Set yourself up for a good night of sleep by winding down a few hours before you go to bed. Read a book, meditate, whatever helps you relax. Pro Tip: Do not look at your phone for at least an hour before bed!
Love and Attraction Spells
While attraction spells can be used to attract almost anything, seduction is a common goal. While the obsessive desire to possess someone you lust for can be tempting, these spells will not attract the love of a specific individual to you. Attraction spells are not love spells. If you want to attract a lover, then your spells should not be geared towards a specific individual, but towards attracting the ideal woman/man for you. When performed properly, this kind of magic will not produce negative karmic consequences, as it is in alignment with spirit, and is not imposing your will onto others.
Deepen Love Spell
Has your lover or your partner grown distant? Does it seem as though they ignore or avoid you, or like they have lost interest in you? This spell is intended to rekindle the passions of a relationship growing cold, but remember: magic cannot force feelings that aren’t there.
You will need:
A photo of yourself
A photo of your lover
A glass jar
Red silk thread (1 meter long)
Your perfume
Dried petals of 6 red roses
Ritual
Put all the rose petals into the jar
Incant the following: “Lover, partner, hear my voice, Come back to me by your own choice, remember all the love we share, and envelop me with tender care.”
Spray your perfume into the jar
Use the cord to wrap the two pictures together while repeating the incantation above.
Place the wrapped photos into the jar and put the jar on your altar for 7 days.
On the 8th day, open the jar and let the perfume permeate the room.
As soon as the spell manifests, bury the jar in the backyard or your garden where it will not be disturbed.
Baby, Come Back Spell
You and your lover broke up, and yet, you still have strong feelings for that person, and believe they still have feelings for you. Use this spell to bring them back to you, and rekindle the relationship.
You Will Need:
Ritual:
Kneel in front of your altar while facing the East.
Put your ex’s photo on the altar.
Light the blue candle and the white candle
Repeat the following (or a petition of your choice) 7 times: “I invoke you, (deity of choice), and call on you to hear my petition. I call on you to return my love, (ex’s name), back to me. May they feel lost and adrift without me by their side. I invoke you, (diety of choice), and call upon you to guide (ex’s name)’s heart back to mine, in perfect love and perfect trust. Let our hearts beat as one once again. An it harm none, so mote it be!”
With each repetition of the chant, circle the picture with the chalk
Snuff the blue candle.
Burn the photo with the flame of the pink candle.
Meditate on your love returning to you, stronger than ever before
*remember, if your ex does not still have feelings for you, this will not work. There must be some sort of connection in order for it to be effective.
Come To Me Candle Divination Spell
If the intent is to draw a lover to your bed, this spell should ideally be performed in the bedroom. It is also good practice to anoint your bed or sheets with some Come to me Oil, if sex is the intended result.
You will need:
a pink candle
Paper Pen or pencil
A pin or toothpick
Carve the name of the object of your affection on the candle, visualizing their face in your mind's eye.
Anoint your candle with Come to Me Oil, pulling the oil up from the bottom of the candle to the wick.
Write down your petition on a piece of parchment paper, fold it towards you two times and place it under the candle (make sure the candle is in an appropriate holder.)
Recite the following or choose your own words:
“Goddess Freya, hear my plea
Draw my desired here to me.
In his/her bed and in his/her heart
Nothing can keep us apart.
Affection and lust with intensity
And it harm none, so mote it be.”
Wear Come To Me oil while dating or attending social functions with the object of your desire.
Jezabel Attraction Spell
This spell is best performed on a Thursday when the intention is power, or a Friday when intention is lust. The use of a purple candle is important, as purple is a power color, used in spell casting for success in business, just triumph over enemies, glamour and seduction, and getting attention for accomplishments; therefore, it is the ideal candle color for spellwork with Jezebel Oil.
You will need:
Purple candle (to represent you)
A second candle in either Red (for love/lust), Green (for business) or white (for persuasion of another)
Pen
Paper
White cotton string
Sharp object such as needle or toothpick
Fireproof bowl with sand or gravel
Ritual:
Dab some Jezabel oil on your fingers, then take your white string and tie nine knots in it, focusing on your intention as you do so.
Carve your name on the purple candle and your intention and/or the name of the intended individual on the other candle.
Anoint both candles with Jezabel oil, starting from the base and working up to the wick.
Use the knotted string to tie your two candles together.
Write your desires on the paper and then fold it towards you in half. Turn the paper and fold it towards you in half again.
Bury the paper in the sand/gravel and secure your tied candles in the sand above it.
Light both candles and chant aloud the words of your choice and intent.
Allow the candles to burn all the way out, burning the string with them* (do not leave unattended!)
Once candles are burnt out, take the stubs, the paper and any remnants of the spell and bury them outside.
*If you wish to be able to break the spell, you can remove the string and bury it in the sand. If the need to reverse ever arises, you can untie the knots and bury the string with the paper. (If you forget, or burnt the knotted string and still wish to reverse, there's always Spell Breaker Oil!
Candle Magic Spell for Attraction
You will need:
2 candles, one to represent you, and one representing your intention.
Sage, incense, or other form or purification and cleansing.
paper and pen
Ritual:
Create a sacred space by burning sage, lighting incense, and/or praying & chanting, inviting your guides and helpers to join you.
Set the candles on your altar, one on each side of your altar or workspace.
Meditate for 5-10 minutes, clearing your mind and setting your intentions clearly.
Write your intentions down on paper clearly, or create a sigil or a simple drawing of your intention.
Fold the paper up and cut it into seven pieces. Arrange the seven scraps in a line between the two candles.
Light the candles and visualize the fulfillment of your desires. Imagine with all the senses how amazing it would feel to have what you want, and spend some time dwelling in that feeling.
When you’re ready, pick up the scrap of paper closest to the candle that represents your goal and hold the scrap between your palms. While still visualizing your intention, gently blow onto the scrap of paper.
Touch the paper to the flames of both candles and then let it burn in your cauldron or a fireproof dish. When the scrap is done burning, move the goal candle one space closer to the main candle, filling in the spot left by the burnt seventh scrap.
Snuff your candles and close your circle.
Repeat this process each night for seven nights, until all of the scraps of paper have been burnt and the two candles are directly next to each other. Let them burn until they go out naturally.
Venus Love & Attraction Spell
You will need:
A glass of wine
An apple or pomegranate
A bowl of honey
2 pink or red candles
An image of Venus or Aphrodite
A piece of parchment paper and pen
Fresh roses
Venus Oil or Love Oil (optional)
Sea shells (optional)
Frankincense or Myrrh incense (optional)
Myrtle leaves (optional)
Ritual:
Set an altar up by placing a picture of Venus directly in the center of the altar.
Place one candle to left of her and one candle to the right of her.
Anoint the candles with Venus Oil or simply place a few drops of oil into a bowl of fresh water and place it on your altar table. (If you don’t have Venus Oil, pure olive oil works equally well).
Place your roses and honey on your altar.
Get your apple or pomegranate and cut it in half then place this on your altar table.
Write out your petition on your parchment, keeping in mind that you are asking Venus to intercede on your behalf. Honor her, acknowledge her power and don’t be demanding!
Place a few drops of Venus Oil on your parchment paper and place your petition on your altar.
If you have seashells, incense or myrtle leaves place them on the altar as well.
When ready, light your candle and recite your petition. Add anything to this that comes to mind, and be as specific and personal as possible, allowing her to see who you truly are.
Visualize your desire becoming a reality, and meditate on how it feels.
Allow your candles to burn out completely, or if you must, snuff them, and repeat nightly until the candles are burned out.
Remember, Magic is supposed to be personal! Adjust any of these as you see fit to personalize them for maximum effectiveness. If you end up trying any of the above rituals out, Please share with us on instagram @infinitycoven, or join our facebook group Infinity Coven Group!
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